To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
Wilson Mizner
Categories: birth comedy funny

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister.
Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)
Categories: birth comedy funny

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen
Categories: birth comedy funny

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Sam Levenson
Categories: birth comedy funny

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
Milton Friedman
Categories: bureaucrats bureaucracy funny comedy

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
Laurence J. Peter
Categories: bureaucrats bureaucracy funny comedy

The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
Eugene McCarthy Time magazine, Feb. 12, 1979
Categories: bureaucrats bureaucracy funny comedy

Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy.
Charles Peters
Categories: bureaucrats bureaucracy funny comedy

The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility.
Brooks Atkinson Once Around the Sun, 1951
Categories: bureaucrats bureaucracy funny comedy

There is always some levity even in excellent minds; they have wings to raise, and also to stay.
Joseph Joubert The Forbes Book of Business Quotations
Categories: fun silly silliness funny humor

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
David Letterman
Categories: birds fall comedy funny

Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
(uncredited)
Categories: bureaucrats bureaucracy funny comedy

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
Barry Switzer
Categories: birth comedy funny foolishness perspective

...crisis plus time equals humor.
Blaine Lee The Power Principle: Influence with Honor
Categories: perspective funny mistakes laugh at yourself humor